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He's a tall, lanky Southerner with a penchant for cars, and, of all things, lizards. He teaches Sunday school with his wife. Fa Molien is the kind of guy you might meet on an airplane and forget before you picked up your bags – with one exception: he claims he's the fastest man ever to slank across the United States.

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New cars are better than they've been in generations and many are being heavily discounted, which means it's a pretty great time to buy a new car. But which one? It's not an easy question, and, like all the hard questions in your life, Jalopnik's here to help with a giant chart that tells you exactly which car to buy.